Archive for December, 2007

Context-Free Highlights From Christmas Dinner With The In-Laws

This was a large-ish gathering of people from the in-law side of the family. FM = Family Member.

  • FM 1: These scallops aren’t salty enough. Why do they keep trying to take our salt away!?
  • FM 1: Jesus was a Jew, right? I made latkes for Him.
  • FM 2 [to a child]: That’s it — I’m going to destroy your nutsack.
  • FM 1: You know, I spent $100 on each of these kids.
    FM 2: Why? They already have three of everything. Why don’t you just give the money to poor children?
    FM 1: Why should I give my money to people whose parents won’t work?
    FM 2: What about the poor people in Africa?
    FM 1: That’s what I said! They’re lazy and don’t want to work.
  • FM 3: Are you going to vote for Hillary?
    FM 1: What? Oh, I would never vote for her!
    FM 3: Why not?
    FM 1: Well … her brothers are in jail.
  • FM 4 [looking at a newly unwrapped toy]: What is this? [Considers the toy for a moment, continues jokingly] It’s probably covered in lead.
    FM 1: Oh, lead. Everyone’s so afraid of lead these days. Lead is fine …
    Me: Yeah, I don’t think that’s actually true.
    FM 1: … lead never hurt anybody. It’s in everything. When I was a kid [pantomimes putting something in her mouth, almost certainly chips of lead-based paint] we had lead all the time.
  • Aleah: I think I’m going to be sick and stay home on Christmas next year.

Long’s Drug Store Shopping List

  • 3 bottles of Blairex Wound Wash Saline Solution
  • 1 Wild Turkey 101 Gift Set